In my defense, it was May the Fourth.
Look, if there are Jedi robes in your closet all year and no good reason to ever put them on, why even have them? And so it was, in full Tatooine desert sage garb (hey, at least I didn't bring the light saber along) that I headed to the open mic at The Bistro in Hayward. I'd been trying to get down to Janet Lenore and Jeff Davis's Hayward Bistro Open Mic on first Mondays for a couple of months. Knowing it was a popular event, I came early and found parking without too much trouble.
No, the trouble began when some weirdo in Jedi robes got out of his car in Downtown Hayward and walked along as if everything was normal.
After three passersby asked me if I was Jesus, I began to regret the light saber I'd left behind. Because, you know, THAT was the real lapse in judgement. But seriously, we are twelve films, ten distinct television series, and two major theme parks into this franchise, with a new major motion picture arriving next month — isn't Star Wars part of the cultural zeitgeist yet?
Also, while I recognize that any white guy with a beard and long hair fits the American Jesus image, I look a lot more like an off-duty Andy Serkis in a bathrobe than anyone's lord and savior.
As my robes and I shuffled down the familiar shops on B Street toward the bistro, it struck me how long it had been since I was last in the place — certainly pre-pandemic.
My fond memories of paper tablecloths and crayons were not rewarded, but The Bistro always has a truly excellent craft beer menu, and I have some fond memories of attending the annual beer fest on the block back when the craft beer industry was in its ascendancy.
Downtown Hayward has a lot going on. The Bistro is next to restaurants, antique shops, and a movie theatre; it's a block from the first brewpub in America, Buffalo Bills Brewery; it sits directly across the street from a Cookies dispensary; and it's walking distance from the BART station. No wonder it's a popular destination.
The Giants were playing, and as I stepped into the bar, baseball flickered silently on a large screen just offstage.
The Bistro, like Hayward, has a bit of lovable roughness to it. It's a sturdy joint with worn instruments on the walls, which have certainly seen their share of rock and jazz acts over the decades.
Janet Lenore greeted me and introduced me to the house band. "Our open mic might be a little different than you're used to," she cautioned. "For one, we have two DIs and three mics up here, and Juli and Jeff and myself will back up anyone who's into it."
If there were more folks onstage than is conventional at most open mics — though quite a few I've attended lately lean toward the band-e-oke model — there certainly was no shortage of folks in the audience, either. As I'd experienced in my last visit to Caper's Open Mic in Campbell recently, early attendees were unsheathing instruments and looking around for the sign-up list anxiously more than 30 minutes before things got going.
I stepped outside for some air, where I met Alex and Ember - the former of the two hosts The Bistro's second Mondays open mic as Emenefer. I also got to chatting with Kenny, the house bongo player, who is joyfully back in the mix after triumphing through a series of difficult medical treatments.
"Three weeks ago I couldn't speak at all!" he shared, pointing at his throat.
Hell yeah, Kenny. Nice to see you back at it.
The place quickly filled with a cheerful, chatty crowd. I spotted the sign-up list being produced from a folder by bartender David just as Janet took to the mic to welcome everyone.
"We have a full house, so we're giving folks two songs or ten minutes. If you have a one-minute song, you can do more than two — that happened last month. It's your choice if you want the backline."
Here she gestured toward Juli's drum kit and Jeff Davis's bass rig.
It must be said that Jeff is a bit of a first Monday superhero: magically apparating behind his bass or over at the mixing console (honestly, it had to be magic, because while I don't THINK I saw him in both places at once I can't be sure), ensuring everyone onstage sounded their best and had a solid bass groove as neeeded.
For her part, Juli was a complete chameleon on the kit, morphing into whatever each song needed. The night I was there, they were in high demand: Juli and Jeff hardly left the stage. Janet continued,
"It's a good idea to connect with the folks you'd like to play with and let us know in advance, so you don't spend ten minutes up here plugging in and tuning...because it's going to eat up your time."
She took a breath and smiled.
"We're glad you're here: I feel more appreciative every time!"
The place responded with a wave of applause.
Janet and her crew launched into their first song, "Lady Liberty." "This song we took down to the rafters and rebuilt from scratch yesterday. My song 'Minnesota Morning' just hit 1,000 plays today, so this is my other really political song."
For their final number, Janet Lenore invited Kenny and me up to join her on "Mosquito Happy Hour." Janet writes a lot of really good songs, and this is one of her catchiest. Standing onstage in Jedi robes singing "Dee-Dee-Dee-Dee-deet!" wasn't on my Monday bingo card, but it sure was fun.
Little did I know the robes would be onstage even longer. Just as I stepped off, John — who knew Janet — invited me back up to sing harmony on "Margaritaville" and "Mama's Got a Squeeze Box."
As we cleared off, the next performer, Joel Wummer, took the stage with his bassist Joe Hickey and Juli to play "I Saw Her Standing There," before performing some voodoo with his pedals to completely shred a version of Santana's "Oye Como Va."
How you get an acoustic to sound like a PRS playing through a Mesa Boogie is beyond me, but ain't technology grand?
I was up next. I'd intended to use the chance to play a couple of my more unusual songs: anticipating some upcoming shows with my soul band, I wanted to get through "40 Miles," and then — given the desert robes I was wearing — my Spanish-flavored song "The Ex-Patriots" seemed appropriate.
The house band was eager to join me, so we all got up there and had a glorious train wreck together as a group.
Well, serves me right for overthinking my chord progressions. Note to self: do not sabotage the house band.
Elise Brown (playing as "MaKenna" to celebrate Kenny's return) was our next performer. Kenny, Jeff, and Juli stayed onstage, and Chuck opened his briefcase of harmonicas to join in.
Elise has a lovely voice that got a little lost under all the instrumentation. I look forward to hearing her sing again at another event.
Emenefer took to the stage next, and my little Jedi heart nearly exploded with joy as they played Weird Al Yankovic's "Yoda." Both the kid inside me who memorized every word on Weird Al's first few albums and the adult sitting offstage in episode IV garb felt deeply gratified.
But they weren't done: Weird Al's other Star Wars song, "The Saga Begins," was next.
Look, #1: my costume may not be from a Tunisian wardrobe cart, but it's pretty on point; it does not look like normal street clothes.
#2: Less than two hours earlier I walked down a major metropolitan thoroughfare ON May the Fourth ...COMPLETELY unrecognized.
So, it should not have been surprising, but it did seem to me the overall reaction of much of the crowd to what Emenefer was singing indicated that significant portions of the audience seemed unfamiliar with those songs.
Then again, maybe the middle-aged dude hanging out in public in sci-fi cosplay who has memorized most of Weird Al's catalog of music isn't the best judge of societal norms.
Moving swiftly onward...
Honest John took the stage with Janet, Jeff, and Juli to sing "Country Roads" and "I'm Your Baby Tonight."
Many moons ago I used to host open mic events in Fremont. I was overjoyed to see the next two performers, who were regulars at Mission Coffees (RIP!) and the open mic in Niles at the old Essanay Cafe — later called "The Vine."
Eddie Saubolle, also known as "the singing cowboy," was next. He took to the stage with his red Ovation and played his song "My Spirit Free," followed by "No Turning Back," an original about Joaquin Murrieta.
"Some say he was a good guy, some say he was a bad guy, but he loved horses...and I love horses."
Robert Raym was next and his first instrumental sauntered through the buzz of conversation in the room, backed ably by Juli's sensitive accompaniment on drums. He continued in fingerstyle on his Taylor through an instrumental version of "Blue Moon," keeping both the bass rhythm and melody going à la Chet Atkins.
But this early-rising Jedi felt a need to head to the dark side...of the pillow, that is.
Just before I left, Jim Safer — another of the Bistro's open mic hosts — was taking the stage. You know a venue has good community spirit when its hosts show up at one another's events.
The Hayward Bistro Open Mic on first Mondays with Janet Lenore and Jeff Davis is perfect for dog owners interested in attending an event with an unparalleled craft beer selection, a skilled backing band, a friendly and conversational community, and the respite of outdoor tables when you need some fresh air.
Click on any photo in this post to see the full, uncropped version.
